


Die...iting (The King of Hell way)

by princess_schez



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 01:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2211321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_schez/pseuds/princess_schez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even the King of Hell has body issues.... One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Die...iting (The King of Hell way)

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Ok, so I got bored one day while I was waiting for my shift to start at work and this popped out of my devious little brain, lol. Doesn't help that pictures of a hot, sweaty Mark Sheppard at the gym keep going across my Tumblr dash and Twitter feed, lol. Thus, this ficlet was born. Enjoy!

Crowley looked at himself in the mirror, holding his breath as he pinched and sucked in his tummy. After a moment, he exhaled sharply, panting slightly from holding his breath in for so long. 

Yup. It was just as he feared.... he was getting soft. Too much baby uvula muffins and human blood. Oh and then there was the pizza. Damn it. He really liked pizza, but not at the expense of not being able to... 

Zip. 

Up. 

These. 

_Fucking._

PANTS.

Huffing, he finally managed to do them up without catching anything of importance in the zipper. Sighing, he knew the time had come. It was time to die..... it. And as such, drastic action had to be taken. 

"Asmorphial!" he bellowed. "Get Jessica Simpson on the phone!" 

A black-eyed demon tentatively stuck his head inside Crowley's boudoir, not wishing to meet his master's eyes when he was like this. 

"Sir, you know she is currently unavailable at the moment." 

"Then get me Marie Osmond!" 

"Sir, she's busy with that show in Vegas." 

"Valerie Bertinelli?" 

"Hot in Cleveland." 

_Fuck._ Rubbing a hand over his head, he was seriously getting desperate here. "Kirstie Alley?" 

The demon made to give Crowley more bad news but was silenced when a shoe went sailing past his head. Crowley sighed. Asmorphial almost wet his pants as he whispered the idea that popped into his pathetic little demon head, afraid of even daring to bring up such a thing to the ultimate ruler of evilness. 

"S-sir, have y-you thought about... m-maybe trying something else? What about a gym? Or something?" He prepared for a painful smiting, scrunching his eyes and waiting for the inevitable, but no searing pain came. Cautiously he opened his eyes, watching the king rub his chin in a thoughtful manner. 

Yes, he knew all about these mortal torture places known as gyms, but he was the bloody King of Hell. He couldn't very well be seen there. 

Unless..... 

You brought the gym to you.

"Asmorphial!" Crowley bellowed again as the demon winced. "Get me Chuck Norris!"

 

The End.


End file.
